How Avoiding Difficult Conversations Can Trap You When You Need to Act
A client called me, furious about a long-term employee who’d become a serious problem. He wanted him gone.
When I explained he couldn’t terminate without cause, he got angry with me. When I said even paying the employee to leave wouldn’t guarantee a clean exit, he got angrier.
Here’s what 15 years of avoiding difficult conversations had created:
- Policies existed but were never implemented
- No difficult conversations, thinking he was being the “nice boss”
- Zero documentation of performance issues
- No legal foundation for action
Now he was completely trapped with no way forward.
“How much do I have to pay to make him go away?” he asked.
I explained: You can offer a settlement, but there’s no guarantee they won’t come back later claiming constructive dismissal. You’re paying for paper that might not protect you.
Here’s the hard truth:
Avoiding difficult conversations isn’t the same as being human-centered.
Human-centered leadership requires consistent standards and clear accountability. It means having difficult conversations early when they’re manageable. It means implementing policies fairly and documenting properly.
Some employees see laid-back management as weakness and push boundaries further. After 15 years of avoiding accountability, this manager discovered that being the “nice boss” had cost him his ability to manage effectively.
Don’t confuse being human centred with avoiding conflict.
Many managers avoid difficult conversations thinking they’re protecting psychological wellbeing. Instead, they create psychologically unsafe environments for everyone:
- Good employees feel unsupported watching poor performance go unaddressed
- Underperforming employees miss opportunities for genuine support
- Managers live with increasing stress and resentment
Proper management practices aren’t bureaucratic obstacles. They’re what give you freedom to act decisively when needed.
What’s one early warning sign you wish you’d addressed sooner?
Review Post about performance management as partnership not punishment